Sigh...

Have you ever experienced one of those occurances where in a split second, everything changes?
I did yesterday.
I went somewhere to get my new bass ( which I had been saving up for ). After picking it up from the shop, my sister called me to ask me to stop in a grocery store and pick her up some stuff. Right near the music store is a Shoprite, so I figure I'll duck in there. I'm going through the list my sister gave me. I turn into an aisle for the last thing on the list, and there she is.
It was one of those moments where you realize that what felt like years almost turned out to be a few months. I had almost forgotten what she looked like. Occasionally, when passing through her neighborhood, I'd be reminded of our time together, but still. I thought I had gotten over it.
She looked at me, and the tears were almost instantaneous.
Her mother aproached from behind her, a half smile on her face, as if she were about to share something with her daughter. That smile froze as soon as she saw me.
And I? I just stood there. Too scared, shocked, surprised to walk away. Not man enough to even feign nonchalance. I just stood there with my mouth open, my hand unconciously squeezing a grapefruit.
We were stuck in a stalemate, a heavy silence. The air seemed to thicken as the moments ticked on.
She broke first, spinning away and heading down the aisle, her shoulders shaking. Her mother fixed me with an icy glare; it wasn't a look I had seen ever. When I came to pick her daughter up she was always so gracious, courteous. And now I was treated like a villain.
My inaction seemed to be enough of an affirmation for her. She nodded a curt nod, turned, and folowed her daughter down the aisle.
Sorry sis, no groceries today. I left my cart there in the aisle, with the fabric softener, the Johnson & Johnson's baby shampoo, and the grapefruits. Got in my car and snuck out of town as fast as possible.
The tears came once I was over the state line, back in Jersey, close to home. The ashtray was fuller now. I cursed myself for not answering the unspoken accusations; I convinced myself I didn't have to. Her mom's look was the worse of the two. I'm used to seeing disappointment in people's eyes. I'm used to the look of pain that they give me after I've hurt them. But the look her mother gave me, as if I was evil? That was too much for me.
They think it didn't hurt me too?
They think that I didn't agonize over the decision?
They don't understand what it is to accept something that doesn't seem fair, or right.
Do they?



Even the bass, the lovely, beautiful bass I just bought and had looked forward to playing for months sounded sad...